The Richard Donner version
Scenes 341 -
EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - DAY
A white, textured surface fills the SCREEN. CAMERA PULLS BACK SLOWLY:
the surface consists of running water and ice. As PULLBACK CONTINUES
it is revealed to be the magnificent Horseshoe Falls in Niagara
Falls. CAMERA PANS AWAY to a typical motel of the area. A flashing
neon sign coyly decorated, proclaims Honeymoon Haven. Several cars
are parked outside decorated with crepe paper ribbons, tin cans,
and "just married" signs. CAMERA PANS, PUSHES IN on a specific cottage.
INT. NIAGARA HONEYMOON COTTAGE - DAY
A garish honeymoon cottage, all velveteen and Formica, with heart-shaped
cushions and other kinds of cloyingly distasteful romantic nonsense.
A bedroom with a heart-shaped bed leads off. CLARK stands by the
luggage in the center of the room, nervous, a sour expression on
his face. LOIS explores the furnishings, spots a bottle of champagne
on the TV with a little card, some flowers on the table, etc.
"Complimentary champagne", a "Complimentary corsage..."
Oh, sure. Everything's complimentary - until you get the bill. Of
all the dumb assignments...
I am perfectly relaxed...
Then unclench your fist.
Listen. We're reporters, right? We're here to get a story, right?
So loosen up a little. Take my hand when we walk. Put your arm around
me like the other husbands do. For instance, at the newlywed's dinner
We're not going.
Not going? That dinner could be the high point of our whole story!
Lois, you saw that sign in the lobby...
"Vibrators available on request?"
(pause - shy)
The other one. The one about the... kissing contest tonight.
CLARK turns away, embarrassed. LOIS' face sets.
So that's it.
Come over here, Clark.
CLARK stares back at her, deeply troubled. LOIS advances on him
with a sexy look.
Come here, Clark...
Look, I've kissed people before, Lois...
I'll just bet you have. I know your type. The closet lover.
Closets? I don't recall...
Strip away all that shyness, that klutziness, that feeble indecision,
and underneath beats the heart of a rampaging stud.
CLARK is pinned against the wall. LOIS brings her face up close
EXTREME CLOSE-UP - CLARK AND LOIS
LOIS' mouth opens seductively. She looks up at CLARK who stares
Lay one on me, Clark. Give it your best shot...
CLARK hesitates, then squeezes his eyes shut, gives LOIS a kiss.
His total ineptitude is only matched by his suddenly growing enthusiasm
which he desperately tries to cover up. They break. LOIS looks up
at him, dazed.
Was I... good?
I... think I'd like to go into the other room now... get into bed...
Lois... you mean...
That's right, Clark. I think I'm getting a headache.
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